or i will only love you more
by astudyofmemory
Summary: He wants her, and he will make damn sure that he will have her.


**A/N:** I don't even know what I'm doing. DON'T TOUCH ME

**Disclaimer:** _Shingeki no Kyojin_ belongs to Hajime Isayama. It would have been all stick figures if it belonged to me.

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><p>The first time Levi sees Mikasa, he feels a mildly numbing, hair-raising charge in the air the moment their eyes connect. It's a foreign feeling, makes his tongue thicken so much he has to take a short pause and look away. The way her eyes widen slightly assures Levi that the churning in his stomach is mutual, and not brought on by the adrenaline coursing through his veins. She's quite the beauty, all exotic features and pride in her frame and stoic expression, yet Levi sees the myriad of expressions in her eyes, currently set in fear but with a noticeable hint of curiosity in their depths. She's familiar and at the same time not; she intrigues him and she confuses him. Levi is spellbound and the more he looks at her, the more he can no longer bear the uncomfortable feeling in his gut and forces himself to look away.<p>

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><p>He hears her name for the first time during Eren's trial and repeats it in his head until it's stuck and he can't get it out. The uncommon name suits her, he thinks— unlike any other, exotic and graceful, just like this girl across the courtroom.<p>

Levi bites back a curse at the reminder that she is nothing but that; a young girl, one who has not fully experienced the horrors of being a soldier, who's mind has not matured enough to know the many facets and complications of adulthood. This bizarre intrigue he feels cannot turn into something more, he realizes, and he feels equal parts bitter and lighter with relief. He hasn't even talked to her, yet the foreign feeling she's managed to churn within him with just a glance makes him wary of where it could lead him.

He ultimately decides that it's just a harmless fascination, and getting to know her wouldn't hurt.

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><p>She doesn't like him.<p>

He's not surprised when he overhears her talking about him to Eren. Fate seems to hate him, after all, and he was foolish to believe she would be open to someone who so cruelly beat her adoptive brother before her very eyes. It was for the greater good and Levi knows that, yet that doesn't stop the curdling feeling of disappointment that weighs on him when she turns that hard glare toward him.

Levi feels that peculiar charge again when he stops her in midair during their pursuit of the Female Titan, the skin on his forearm feeling strangely hot where it comes into contact with her abdomen. She's beautiful and deadly, willing to heed his instructions but completely unhesitating to snap at him for his failure to protect Eren. Levi is quiet for a moment, the pain from seeing the broken bodies of his former squad still fresh in his mind and giving him the perfect opportunity to turn his self-hatred on her, but the moment he turns and looks her in the eye he realizes he can't bring himself to feel anything but sadness.

Levi makes quick work of the Female Titan; never has he come across one that can battle against his speed, and although he is focused on his mission, he can't help but feel a surge of pride when he sees the shock on her face as she tries to follow his movements. That pride is quickly turned to fear when her expression abruptly changes and she twists her body to latch on to the back of the Female Titan's neck, heading in for the kill. She doesn't see the hand that is quickly coming her way and he panics; he throws himself in front of her and pushes her away without hesitation, taking the brunt of the blow that could have ended her life had he not been quick enough. The shooting pain in his ankle is worth it, he thinks, when he sees the happiness that lights up her eyes when he pulls the slimy body of her friend out of the Titan's mouth.

As they make their way back, he reminds himself ardently that that look is not for him, nor will it ever be.

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><p>It isn't until after he saves Eren and they've returned to the wall that she approaches him.<p>

"Heichou," she murmurs, scuffing the toe of her boot against the ground. She bites her lip and looks uncomfortable, not even looking up to meet his eyes, but she presses on. "Thank you for saving Eren." Levi's gaze drifts down to the shiny pink of her lips, the way she nibbles on the supple skin and how oddly enticing it is to him. "It was wrong of me to snap at you."

Levi pauses for a moment, surprised by her confession. One of the many things he has learned in the short time he's known Mikasa is that she is hardheaded and unforgiving, so for her to admit her wrongdoing so easily has him raising an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"You were hurt because of me, and for that I am in your debt. However," she purses her lips, "I will not forgive you for what you did to Eren."

Levi doesn't respond for a good ten seconds. "I wasn't expecting you to."

Mikasa nods and turns away. "I'm glad we understand each other."

_No_, Levi thinks to himself as he watches her make her way back to Eren. _We don't_.

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><p>She's on his new squad, and he's more satisfied with the news than he would like to admit. She's the only one of them who can match his skill, who can take him on and not be completely annihilated, and the thought excites him in a peculiar way. He can train her, refine her skills, turn her into an even deadlier warrior. He smugly notes that he is the only one capable enough for such a task.<p>

She doesn't speak to him much and only does so when absolutely necessary, albeit in a slightly grudging manner. Levi is fine with any sort of interaction, glad she can overpower her own personal feelings, even for the tiniest moment. He can punish her in the blink of an eye and is willing to do so, but he finds that she controls herself well enough that there is no need to.

He notices her stare in his direction a lot; it is not the sweet and slightly forlorn looks she gives Eren, nor the affectionate gazes Armin receives. It's something much darker and more thrilling, filled with a mixture of contempt, wonder, and frustration. Levi knows that look all too well. He can feel his own face change into a similar expression every time he so much as looks in her direction, often finding her doing the same once she meets his eyes. _Who are you?_ Her gaze seems to demand.

Levi quietly asks himself the same thing.

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><p>She trusts him.<p>

Levi feels rather prideful with this knowledge. It's not complete acceptance, nor is it anything remotely close to what she feels for the others, but it is progress on her part. She doesn't look at him with contempt anymore, only with morbid curiosity and, upon occasion, a hint of softness. He thinks she's trying her hardest to understand him as well.

He's surprised when she asks about his leg while they're waiting to rescue Jean and Armin; never before has she expressed any form of care for him, instead choosing to depend on him for her own selfish reasons.

"I can move," he answers after a moment, "It isn't bad."

He doesn't miss the guilt that flashes across her eyes. "That's good."

She isn't a talkative person and neither is he, but the silence is tense and quickly becomes unbearable. She looks so irrevocably guilty, and the urge to offer a word of comfort hits him like a ton of bricks.

"Mikasa," he intones. "It's nothing to be bothered about. If I am put it danger, I trust you to take over for me."

Mikasa's eyes widen at the unexpected response. She swallows, looking a little flustered but undoubtedly pleased. "Very well. I must say the same for you, heichou."

He wants to hate her, wants to yell at her for making him feel more than he should, but he knows he can't.

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><p>He trains her more often when they return, and he notices the malice is no longer there.<p>

She's a fierce fighter, much more lethal than her squad mates, yet her kicks and punches seem more mechanical than anything. She can cause some real damage if she manages to strike him, but she doesn't even try.

He puts his arms down and demands for her to do the same. "Fight me."

She tilts her head slightly. "I am fighting you, heichou. We're not exactly sitting around and having a cup of tea."

Levi's eye twitches. He can't tell whether to be annoyed or amused by her unexpected snark. _She really is learning from me_, he thinks. "Fight me like you mean it."

Mikasa blinks. "Oh?"

"You're not giving me a challenge, and your blows are ridiculously easy to block. I want you to come after me like you want to rip my head off."

Her eyes gleam with mischief as she raises her fists. "With pleasure."

He doesn't expect her to attack so quickly, and the next thing he knows she's charging at him at breakneck speed. But Levi is faster, managing to grip her wrists and kick her legs out from underneath her, causing her to fall flat on her back with a loud thud. He quickly pins her hips down with his thighs, making sure to keep a steady hold on her wrists.

"Better, but still not good enough," he deadpans. "You attacked without thought. Your movements aren't controlled enough. The move I just did should have been easy to block."

Mikasa wiggles her hips, attempting to loosen his hold. A sudden spike of pleasure shoots between his legs at the simple action, making his mind go blank for a moment and causing him to unconsciously tilt his hips forward. He hears a quiet whimper below him, promptly snapping him out of his daze.

Mikasa's hair is fanned out around her shoulders, sweat streaming down her face and cheeks heated up in an obvious and fierce blush. Her lips are parted and look so deliciously tempting; he nearly considers leaning down and having a taste before remembering the situation at hand. It takes all of his willpower to not leap to his feet and take off for the cabin. She looks as if he's bedded her, and the thought nearly makes him lose his mind. It makes him feel dominant, and it pleases him in a way he knows it shouldn't.

"T-That's..." She's stuttering now, attempting to regain control of her expression but failing miserably. He doesn't miss the way she rubs her thighs together beneath him as he trails his hands down her arms in a languid manner. A flick of heat ripples down his stomach when he realizes she must be doing it unconsciously. "I think we should take a break."

Even through the haze that seems to have taken over his brain, he can't help but feel amused by her reaction. "If you wish."

He raises himself off her hips and stands up, and the disappointment that flashes across her eyes is subtle but unmistakable. He doesn't think of the ramifications of the moment yet, instead opting to feel pride over having affected her so obviously. She nearly stumbles on her way back to the cabin, clearly in a hurry to get out of his line of sight.

Despite her no longer being in his presence, the heat he feels only gets stronger the more he thinks about the events that just transpired. He's never been one to follow the rules so he doesn't think too much of it, and he knows Erwin would never approve. This undeniable lust he feels is wrong on many levels, but the urge is so great he decides to throw caution to the wind and let his body take over.

He wants her, and he will make damn sure that he will have her.

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><p>That night, he dreams about her.<p>

Levi is not an innocent man; naturally, his dreams are even less so. He's pinning her down again, except this time sans the clothing barrier that separated them before. Her moans seem to reverberate in his head even after he wakes up, breathless and sweaty and _aching_, and he knows there's no going back. The image of her beneath him is laser-printed into his brain, and he curses at his rotten luck. Of all the people he could have desired, he had to go for the one who lived under the same roof. Had it been just the two of them it would have been inevitable and worked out finely in his favor, but their situation is anything but simple. Mikasa wants nothing more than to protect Eren, and despite her friend's issues Levi knows Eren is extremely protective of her as well.

Levi sighs and raises his arms up to stretch his back, knowing full well that sleep will evade him for the next hour or so. He pads into the kitchen for a drink of water, not caring about his current state of undress when it's the middle of the night. He immediately stops in his tracks when he sees the lone figure standing by the sink.

Mikasa's hair is unmistakable even in the dim lighting, and he's not surprised by the look of distress on her face. He had replayed the day's incidents in his head repeatedly, having no doubt that she had spent the evening doing the same. It was apparent that things between them were never going to be the same, and he was decidedly much less bothered by it than she appeared to be.

"Still awake?" he drawls, nearly snorting in amusement when she whips her head around fast enough to cause whiplash. Her face morphs from panic to embarrassment once she sees his lack of clothing.

"Um, I'm just having trouble sleeping. I'm going to bed right now."

Levi doesn't miss the way her eyes flick to his exposed torso every three seconds or so. Her eyes are slightly darker when they meet his again, and he feels that thread of desire being pulled taught between them.

_You can't run away from it forever_, he thinks as he watches her walk away from him for the second time. _You can only take so much before you finally snap._

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><p>Their touches begin to linger longer than usual, and Mikasa takes to sitting by Levi every time they sit down at the table. Their thighs brush more often than not, and he doesn't miss the way her gaze stays on him even after he's done speaking.<p>

_It's futile_, he thinks while they're training in their Maneuver Gear. Her movements are jerkier and unsure, her distraction evident, but Levi cannot bring himself to feel annoyed at the change. He reassures himself that she's obviously more affected than she cares to let on, and it wouldn't take long before she finally gave in to the force of her attraction.

It's been a while since Levi has looked forward to something, and he feels lighter than he has in years.

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><p>She barges into his room one night after a particularly heated moment between them, and it's the closest Levi has ever come to feeling happy.<p>

It's unconventional and a little rushed, nothing like the way Mikasa imagined it to be, but neither can bring themselves to care once they are skin to skin. He can honestly say it's the first time he's had a dream of his come to light; the way she looks beneath him is absolutely mouthwatering, ten times more so than the way she looked in his dream. He knows she was pure before him, as evidenced by the way she reacts to his touch, but the way she moves her hips, the way she bites at his collarbone and scratches at his back makes him think otherwise. She's always been good at every task she's been given, and he proudly notes that this is no exception.

He hisses when she gives a particularly hard bite on the junction between his shoulder and neck. "Fuck," he pants, quickening his pace in an attempt to make her unravel before he does. She only bites harder in response, digs her nails a little further into his back and Levi grits his teeth, determined to hold out until she finishes.

Despite the lustful haze that covers her eyes, she still manages to shoot him a look of challenge and Levi runs away with it.

"So that's how it's gonna be," he murmurs. He drops his hand between their thighs, reveling in the way her hips snap up and how she can't control the loud gasp that escapes her lips.

He rubs at the little bundle of nerves relentlessly, bucking his hips faster and faster and flicking his thumb in an attempt to make her reach her peak first. Her whimpers and moans are strangled, clearly trying her hardest to hold on but the combined sensations prove too much for her and she cries out, the sound immediately muffled by Levi's mouth. He follows her shortly after, feeling as if his body and mind have exploded into a million pieces, past the point of return.

He's nearly weightless as he wraps his arms around her, drinking in her flushed expression and labored breathing with a satisfied exhale from his lips. Her warm body pressed against his feels incredible, and Levi idly thinks that he could get used to the sensation of holding her in his arms every night.

"Really, Mikasa, do you want the whole squad to hear?"

She gives him a light bop on the head. "It's not like I can help myself when you're touching me like that."

Levi hums. "Don't think I didn't notice you trying to challenge me. We both know you can't win."

The look in Mikasa's eyes thrills him. "Really, now."

The next thing he knows he's flipped onto his back, hips pinned down by Mikasa's in an imitation of the incident a few months ago. "Don't be so smug," she taunts, trailing her nails down his hard abdomen. Levi's body breaks out in goosebumps at the action, fueled by the challenging look in her eyes. "I'm not done with you yet."

Her hands dip lower, only to come back up before she reaches the place Levi wants her to touch most. She smirks faintly at the annoyed grunt that escapes his lips. "We'll see who comes out on top this time."

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><p><strong>AN:** TOO MANY DAMN LINE BREAKS

I'm close to puking because I'm so terrified of the response I'll get, but either way, I hope you enjoy.


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